Mental Health Awareness Week

By Linda Hughes, RHG Consult Learning Coach

Theme for 2022 – Loneliness ………

Something we can all feel at times – even if you’re in a crowded room, surrounded by people, you can feel this emotion.

The thing is that loneliness is not always the same as being alone.  We can choose to be alone and live quite happily, choosing to have minimal contact with people; but for some people this could easily be a lonely experience for them.

You can have lots of friends, be in a wonderful relationship, have a lovely family and yet …… still feel lonely, why is this?  Maybe it’s because you feel that you’re not understood or maybe cared for by the people that you are surrounded by.

I have often felt quite content, happy and peaceful when I’ve been alone, maybe sat in my garden loving the flowers and the sunshine and yet have been in a crowded room, filled with work colleagues and felt totally alone and isolated and the question is …… why?

This feeling of being lonely is not in itself a mental wellbeing problem but there is a strong link between them.  If your mental wellbeing is not at its best, then it may increase your chances of feeling lonely.  You may find it difficult to engage in every day activities involving other people, and this could lead to a lack of meaningful contact socially which in turn can create feelings of loneliness.

How can we help ourselves if we find that we have felt lonely for a long time?  The key thing is to not rush into anything, take your time.  It may have taken a long time to be in this emotional state so be kind to yourself and understand that it may take some time to bring yourself out of it too.  Nothing has to be rushed.  If you feel pressure, or anxious about meeting people then think of alternative avenues, maybe try doing something online where you know other people are going to be, but you don’t necessarily have to engage with them.

If you feel you can meet up with a social group then maybe talk to the facilitator, let them know how you’re feeling and ask them if you can maybe just watch at first rather than taking part.  Sometimes just the knowledge that someone is there, will listen and understand you can be enough to help with your feelings of loneliness.

Try to be brave and reach out to someone – it doesn’t have to be face to face, with the fantastic virtual world we can now engage with people on line, with or without the camera being on.  Being able to talk to someone who you feel won’t judge you or make assumptions can help you to understand your own feelings.  Being given the freedom to talk can be so therapeutic, as can be the opportunity to listen to others, to know and realise that you’re not alone – someone else may be feeling the same way or have shared the same experiences and you realise that what you’re feeling is totally natural.

The pandemic and the need to physically distance ourselves from people has also increased our feelings of loneliness.  But the good news is loneliness doesn’t need to last forever.  There are ways to stop feeling lonely.  Reassessing the way we think can help us to regain hope.  Practicing seeing things from a different perspective, associating experiences with positive emotions is a great way to start to change our mindset.  Bringing mindfulness into our daily routine can help to give us the tools to face day to day situations, making us more resilient to deal with life and everything it throws at us.

If you find yourself alone, don’t see it as a negative, use the time to process your thoughts, understand your feelings, make choices on how you may be able to manage your feelings.

Be kind to yourself, learn to be happy alone and focus on self-compassion.  Take a few moments to maybe meditate, go for a mindful walk and see the beauty that surrounds us every day, take part in some physical activity.  Taking care of yourself by being patient and having self-compassion may strengthen the bond with yourself which can help you to ease the feelings of loneliness.  Given time you can learn to accept and embrace moments of alone time and use them to engage in self-reflecting and improvement activities.

There is something positive about the transference of words onto paper, taking time to write things down almost makes it feel even more real.  Keeping a journal where you write down your inner thoughts and feelings can be very cathartic.  A great technique is to write down a list of things you’re grateful for.  This can help you to process your feelings and bring a different perspective of how and what you are feeling.

The thing to bear in mind is that you are not alone – there are many people who have felt like you feel – what you need to do is to be kind to yourself – no judgement, no fear, no chastising.  Try to understand what it is you’re feeling and why it is this way.  Find someone or something to talk to, to share your thoughts, to listen to you.  Animals can be such a great help, they love you unconditionally and always seem to understand you. 

Take a moment to breathe, be aware of everything that is good in your life ……… be truly kind to yourself.

Mental Health Awareness Week | Mental Health Foundation