Habits of a Highly Effective Person – Part 4

Welcome back to the fourth of a seven-part series on Habits of Highly Effect People by Stephen R Covey.

In this series we will look at seven habits, identified by Covey, designed to help you to change your lifestyle, and in return, become a highly effective person. This resource intends to give a useful overview of these ideas, and will hopefully inspire you to read the book in full.

Habit 4: Think Win-Win.

Relationships might be essential to success, but they are difficult to navigate. We meet people from all walks of life. Each with their own set of goals, their own way of doing things, their own way of viewing the world.

With these relationships be it personal or business there are four possible variants.

Variant A: Lose/Lose

We might as well start off with the worst one of all. “If i’m going down, everyone else is coming with me”. These situations happen when stubborn and prideful people are pitted against each other. It’s someone who ruins a part for everyone because he/she isn’t in control.

Variant B: Win/Lose

Covey suggests that those who are the former of a Win/Lose tend “to use positions, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get their way”.

Win/Lose is someone telling someone to do something, without giving a valid reason, and when questioned they respond with “because I said so”.

This sort of variant will result in a victory in the short-term, although what is the cost of that victory, because it will damage the relationship in the long term.

Variant C: Lose/Win

Those who take this outcome are the “nice guys/girls”/ They are doormats/ Allowing anyone to walk over them. approaching a new encounter with the thought of:

“I surrender, and you can have what you want”

“I won’t do this because i know it bothers you”

“Oh you haven’t done that important thing? That’s fine, don’t worry about it”

For Covey, Lose/Win is even worse than Win/Lose because the person who approaches the latter perspective has some standards and self-respect. The Lose/Win person just wants to avoid confrontation. They want to keep people liking them.

Lose/Win can make relationships last in the short term; however tensions will build in the individuals who take the ”Lose” approach out of the two. But eventually this will become passive aggressiveness or rage.

Sometimes thought Lose/Win is the best thing. Maybe there is an issue where it is truly not worth making a fuss over. Covey suggests that maybe the wise thing to do is concede on that point and take the hit, for the sake of your long-term prospects. 

Variant D: Win/Win

Needless to say this variant is the best type of relationship. Everyone feels like they benefit from this relationship. Both sides of this relationships are committed to making it work. Be it in business where both parties are in agreement over a contract, or be it in a personal setting where parents and children come to an agreement in a scenario.

Not surprisingly Covey sees the Win/Win dynamic as something that we should all to strive for, as the positives are obviously superior to all of the positives of the other types of relationships, the main pro being it strengthens the long-term health of a relationship

So, there we have it, the summary of the fourth habit of highly effective people, as identified by Stephen R Covey. In Part Five, we will look at:

• Seek first to understand, then to be understood

If you have enjoyed reading this, and are looking forward to the future parts of this series; then why not check out one of our personal development courses. We have an incredibly informative one: Personal Planning and Organisational Skills. Why not check it out here.